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  • [故事大全] []

    cc飞车官网:故事

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    怕传染

    时间:2018-09-20 09:57 来源: cc竞速飞车登录网站 作者: 王忠田

        怕 传 染
        一个男人走进一家啤酒店,要了一大杯啤酒。那只杯子是有把手的,他端起杯子,嘴巴凑在把手一侧的口沿上喝,服务生看了感到奇怪,问道:"先生,您为什么这样喝?"
        "有把手的这个地方,一般人喝酒时是不会用嘴去碰的,这样,我就不会感染病菌了。"
        过了一会儿,又有一个男人走进来,也要了一杯啤酒,他端起杯子,也把嘴巴凑在有把手这一侧的口沿上喝。服务生笑了:"先生也是怕感染病菌吗?"
        那个男人说:"不,我有病,怕传染给别人。"
        (王忠田)
        给的是小费
        在一家酒店里,有一个男顾客要了一杯酒,举起酒杯一饮而尽,又从钱包里抽出一张5美元的纸币放在柜台上,然后急急忙忙地走出去了。
        卖酒的服务生赶紧抓起那张纸币塞进自己的口袋里,他以为没人看见,可他抬起头来时,却见老板正盯着他看,于是他赶紧上前解释说:"老板,您看见刚才出去的那个人了吗?他要了一杯酒,给了我5美元的小费,但他急急忙忙地出去了,忘记了给酒钱!"
        (王忠田)
        向 日 葵
        小陈自小在城市长大,对各种植物很陌生。
        一次,公司派小陈他们去郊区验货,负责接待的主人热情地拿来向日葵头招待大家,这东西在城市很少见到,小陈立刻惊呼起来:"谁这么有闲工夫,把瓜子一粒粒插进去,还摆得这么整齐!"(攸悦)
        恶邻
        一个男人到警察局告他的邻居,说他家的东西只要不小心掉到邻居家,邻居都强行据为己有,无论是晾的衣服,钻过去的鸡,还是栅栏边果树结的果子,从来都没有归还过。
        警察听了,说这些小纠纷不够立案,让他自己跟邻居协商。
        男人说:"这些事是不大,问题是今天早晨我老婆为果树剪枝时,不小心掉到他家院里啦!"
        (董筠)
        尴尬的吆喝
        老北京面馆最大的特色就是吆喝。
        那天,甲和乙去吃面,坐定,点完菜,跑堂小伙子吆喝上了:"5号桌,炸酱面两碗,小菜两盘。"
        吃饱喝足,该结账了,一共是25块8毛,甲想:2毛就算了,便对跑堂的小伙子说:"给你26块,别找了。"
        跑堂小伙子接过钱便又吆喝上了:"5号桌有客送小费2毛。"
        满大厅的人听了都回过头来望他们这桌,2毛钱也这么吆喝,甲脸红了:"得了,那2毛你还是找给我吧。"
        跑堂小伙子又吆喝上了:"5号桌的2毛小费又要回去了!"
        (张璐)
        漂亮的糕饼
        阿明到姐姐家作客,发现小外甥正在帮姐姐烤糕饼,烤完后,姐姐又让他往糕饼上抹奶油。一会儿,小外甥将抹好奶油的糕饼拿过来让阿明尝尝,阿明看了,夸赞道:"糕饼做得好看极了,你用什么办法将奶油抹得这么光滑?"
        小外甥自豪地回答:"我舔的!"
        (金永昌)
        梦话
        妻子关心地对丈夫说:"老公,你近来老是说梦话,要不我陪你去医院检查一下身体?"
        丈夫惊慌地答道:"不用,如果医生给我治好了这毛病,那么我在家里的这一点点发言权都没有了!"
        (季频)
        都是做媒体的
        有位女记者去做头发,其间,女记者便和给她做按摩的女孩聊了起来,女孩问女记者:"姐姐是做什么的?"
        女记者回答说:"我是做媒体的。"
        那女孩一听很兴奋:"是吗?这么巧!我以前和你是同行哟!"
        女记者看看女孩,有些不敢相信:"你也是做媒体的?报纸还是杂志?"
        那女孩听了一脸困惑,说:"我做的是美体啊,美丽身体的‘美体啊!"(邸士贵)
        穿不上牛仔裤
        妻子生完宝宝之后,体重长了近20斤,以前那些漂亮的衣服都穿不下了。看着别的女同事穿着牛仔裤后那健美的身材,她很羡慕,于是下决心减肥。经过三个多月的努力,自我感觉身材有所苗条。
        这天,妻子怀着惴惴不安的心情从衣柜里拿出了一条牛仔裤,并试着穿了一下,没想到竟然穿了进去,她激动地对老公说:"我真的瘦了,竟然能穿下牛仔裤了!"老公看了看妻子,说:"老婆,你为什么要穿我的牛仔裤呀?"
        (邸士贵)
        押下这钱
        小孙"打的"回家,到了家门口,一掏口袋,没钱,便对司机说:"师傅,你在这里等一下,我去家里拿钱。"
        司机说:"哼,都这么说!你要是顺着暗门跑了怎么办?你再掏掏,看有什么值钱的,押下。"
        小孙就把身上的口袋都翻了翻,后来竟然摸到了一张百元钞票,就赶紧掏出来,给了司机。
        司机接过钞票,说:"好,你把这钞票押下,回家拿钱吧!"
        (赵清川)
        一山不容二虎
        cc竞速飞车可以做假吗,cc飞车竞速怎么赚钱是不是骗人的,如"一山不容二虎".
        学生提出质疑:"如果是一只公老虎和一只母老虎在一座山上,那完全可以相亲相爱、和睦相处的。"
        男老师听了,神情大为激动,他对那学生说:"你回家去问问你爸爸,他会告诉你这句俗语是如何正确的!" (齐光越)
        应试
        约翰应聘机场塔台的工作,他通过了前面的考试,进入了最后的口试—
        考官:"有一架飞机准备降落,你从望远镜里发现飞机的起落架没有放下,你会怎么办?"
        约翰:"立刻用无线电警告!"
        考官:"如果没有回答呢?"
        约翰:"我会立刻取出信号灯,发送‘危险,不得降落的讯号。"
        考官:"可飞机继续下降!"
        约翰:"我会立刻打电话给我弟弟。"
        考官:"你弟弟?他能做什么?"
        约翰:"他不能做什么,但他从来没看过飞机是怎样摔下来的。"
        (申家兵)
        警惕性真高
        班长老蒯,身高体胖,落枕就睡,鼾声如雷,影响战士睡眠。
        一天,连长把老蒯叫到连部,说:"今天晚上,你睡到汽车驾驶室吧!"
        第二天一清早,营房四周的老乡向连长反映说:"你们战士的警惕性真高!昨晚,你们的汽车一夜都未熄火!"(朱守东、朱迅翎)
        大小有差异
        从前有一个财主,很怕老婆。
        一天,财主听说自己心爱的猫不知被谁剁断了尾巴,于是大骂,一旁的老婆忙解释说:"别骂了!是我刚才在厨房里剁猪脚,猫突然跳上砧板,我不小心就剁了它……"
        财主立刻尴尬地笑了起来,连声说道:"剁了好,剁了好,看起来像只兔子,挺好看的!" (刘贵贤)

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